LISTENING TO FAMILIES ON THE REGISTRY

The project examines the impact of sex offender laws and policies on the lives of family members of registrants (those convicted of sex offenses and often required to be on sex offender registries). In recent history, sex offenses, particularly those against children, often cause an intense reaction, observable in media coverage. This societal response is typically in the form of legislation that outlines sanctions and community-based policy & practices that are aimed at keeping sex offenders either incapacitated or closely supervised so that they can no longer victimize another child or adult. In theory, these laws are intended to prevent known sex offenders from committing further crimes (known as “recidivism”) as well as provide safety and support to victims of sex offenses (Center for Sex Offender Management 2008; Ohio Dept of Rehabilitation and Correction 2007; Cohen & Jelic, 2007; Wright, 2009). However, the realities of these laws often deviate from the intended aims with legislation and policies often enacted irrationally without consideration of the potential unintended consequences of such overly-restrictive, punitive actions (Farkas & Stichman 2002; Mercado, Alverez & Levenson 2008).

In particular, little attention has been paid in the existing literature to the effect sex offender laws and policies have on the family members of sex offenders, including spouses, children, and siblings (but see Rapp 2011). With Dr. Ashley Kilmer, Dr. Leon has conducted interviews to address this gap by examining the experience of family members of sex offenders with these policies and laws through the use of surveys and interviews.

Dr. Leon also regularly teaches a seminar on sex crimes and punishments, and has foundstudent’s minds open when given the chance to hear from people affected by the registry in their own words. Luckily, there are now a number of films, exposes, books and articles that help do this (see the blog: coming soon for lists of some great ones). Our contribution is to use poetry to highlight the voices of the resilient family members who are impacted by the registry. In the coming months, watch for additional poems and audio recordings, designed to put a more accessible and human face on our published work and work in progress.

The following three poems come from an interview with Jessa, a family member of a person on the registry. The interview was conducted by Dr. Chrysanthi Leon and Ashley Kilmer. Jules Lowman and Elizabeth Sabia crafted the poems below.

Jessa

I never speak to them about it.

I mean, friends have worked out okay for me.

People I’ve met along the way

I have more constructive conversations with

I've selected them carefully.

I found out about my partners offense

I knew I would need to talk to my friends about the offense itself

I talk to those friends about policies

I've been really afraid to get involved

I have felt that I’m already just trying to protect my little family.

I've been afraid to be seen

I went to a meeting once

I don't need another therapy group

I didn't come back

I kind of felt a little bit like some people there really needed treatment

I will avoid telling anyone my partner’s last name

I just sort of try to keep the whole thing on the down low

I've had a bad experience with my family finding out

I think, well, it's one thing to go to these meetings

I don't know what it would involve

I thought

oh my gosh

I don't want people to see his face

I didn't tell them

I told them

I was dating someone and made the mistake of telling them his first name

I told them

I mean it utterly changed my relationship with my family

I mean

I was afraid

I don't know who we can trust

I don't know how anyone is going to react

I mean I think people look at him because he's just so beautiful

I think

I referred to it on the survey somewhere

I can't remember now how many places we applied for

I mean we don't have a lot of money

I have a security pension

I had a great credit score

I mean they loved us

The most I could ever get out of people was you don't meet our rental criteria

I even approached the former landlord

I mean he basically said yes

I think the year before I met him

I think it just broke his heart

I basically decided when we moved in together that it wouldn’t um

I wouldn’t teach the kids in my home anymore

I just don’t want any trouble ya know?

I don’t need him causing trouble

I don’t

I know that I’m not going to teach here

I go to their homes

I think that

I mean my state has a lifetime registry for every offense

I don't let people into my house with marijuana or really anything

“I love you guys but you just can’t come to our home”

Everyone I know has found out by looking on the registry

I just

I think there just wouldn't be quite so many problems

I would like to see change

I do um

The first thing I would do is not be so afraid to call friends from my past

“I’m in love with someone and I’m so happy”

I haven't

I can't even imagine that

I put quite a lot of energy into um

I mean

I feel very very protective of him

I think I take a lot on

Probably more than I should

I just it would remove a huge burden from my life

I don't know

After I hang up with you

I feel like you have done me a favor

I didn't

I didn't say anything in group.

I never speak to them about it.
I mean, friends have worked out okay for me.
People I’ve met along the way
I have more constructive conversations with
I've selected them carefully.

I found out about my partners offense
I knew I would need to talk to my friends about the offense itself
I talk to those friends about policies
I've been really afraid to get involved
I have felt that I’m already just trying to protect my little family.

I've been afraid to be seen
I went to a meeting once
I don't need another therapy group
I didn't come back
I kind of felt a little bit like some people there really needed treatment

I will avoid telling anyone my partner’s last name
I just sort of try to keep the whole thing on the down low
I've had a bad experience with my family finding out
I think, well, it's one thing to go to these meetings
I don't know what it would involve
I thought
oh my gosh
I don't want people to see his face
I didn't tell them

I told them
I was dating someone and made the mistake of telling them his first name
I told them
I mean it utterly changed my relationship with my family
I mean
I was afraid
I don't know who we can trust
I don't know how anyone is going to react
I mean I think people look at him because he's just so beautiful
I think

I referred to it on the survey somewhere
I can't remember now how many places we applied for
I mean we don't have a lot of money
I have a security pension
I had a great credit score
I mean they loved us
The most I could ever get out of people was you don't meet our rental criteria
I even approached the former landlord
I mean he basically said yes
I think the year before I met him
I think it just broke his heart

I basically decided when we moved in together that it wouldn’t um
I wouldn’t teach the kids in my home anymore
I just don’t want any trouble ya know?
I don’t need him causing trouble
I don’t
I know that I’m not going to teach here
I go to their homes

I think that
I mean my state has a lifetime registry for every offense
I don't let people into my house with marijuana or really anything
“I love you guys but you just can’t come to our home”

Everyone I know has found out by looking on the registry
I just
I think there just wouldn't be quite so many problems
I would like to see change
I do um

The first thing I would do is not be so afraid to call friends from my past
“I’m in love with someone and I’m so happy”
I haven't
I can't even imagine that

I put quite a lot of energy into um
I mean
I feel very very protective of him
I think I take a lot on
Probably more than I should
I just it would remove a huge burden from my life
I don't know

After I hang up with you
I feel like you have done me a favor
I didn't
I didn't say anything in group.

Hope

I have been using Hope

I have said, the first amendment freedom of speech, freedom of religion means nothing

I don’t mind talking about it, but I think it makes other people uncomfortable

I don’t go into all the details with just everybody

I would say there is a big difference in what I share

I am just amazed at the system and how corrupt and awful it has been

I think a lot of people, specifically at our church are not open to it

I don’t antagonize them

I don’t put forward exactly how passioante I am and how I feel about it

I have learned from other people sharing their knowledge and experiences

I think myself sharing I am hoping I open up peoples eyes to this

I hope other people are aware that there are other people out there going through this

I talk and not everything I say is favorable

I better watch my mouth

I really don’t use the church as a source of support

I voaclize and vent to my husband and his family

I have work, my job is crazy, and my children are very demanding

I have a lot on my plate

I can’t hand out Halloween candy, there are a ton of other things that make us different

I want to make the registry not public

I want it to be tiered

I don’t understand how murderers have no tag on them and no restrictions

I am not sure why they are not the same

I would like there to be something that makes everyone equal

I think there should either be a registry that includes everybody… or thre is nothing

I think without the registry we would have less attention drawn to us

I get very bothered by not being able to celebrate Halloween

I get depressed and feel constantly kepton edge

I have gained a ton of weight

I think both of us have remarked that our eyesight has decreased rapidly

I have had an upper respitray infection for over a year

I have had bronchitis and it has stuck with me

I don’t talk to people and say that there is a relationship, but I know there is a relationship

I am hopeful that thee organizations formed are going to be successful

I am hopeful that people like you will continue to publish studies that the laws aren’t doing good

Untitled

I knew him in high school before the offense had ever happened
I was very sympathetic and very interested to learn more
I didn’t like the left
I didn’t like the right
I have always had a heart for the helpless and for the downtrodden
I say this might sound crazy, whenever the big bad scary bear in the movie would die
I would always feel bad for the bear

I have evolved
I hear people talk about those guys
I do know of people who have molested children
I can talk very differently with certain groups of people
I’ve written off a lot because of my husband’s status
I have to really watch what I say about that

I felt beat up
I mean that really knocked me down
I really have to be careful

I have kind of been pretty hurt
I was dumbfounded
I said shame on you
I wouldn’t wish that on anybody

I thought well screw you
I don’t like conflict
I’m just annoyed by the truth
I’m more outspoken than I used to be
I think that helped me a lot
I’m always scared
I’m always scared
I’m always scared
I have terrible anxiety

I think he’s the only one labeled high risk
I see our friends not have family support
I can use his story to educate people
I can get to the heart of other stories
I mean good grief this is ridiculous
I told anybody and everybody
I will talk about it before he will
I would want to change the mandatory minimum
I think they should be gone for all crimes
I don’t know
I don’t know
I honestly would bet my life on it

I don’t blame them
I post something about sex offenders every day
I was freaking out
I will beg and beg and beg
I would love for some of their voices to be heard

Laura

I met my current fiancé
I tried to do a lot of, uh, research
I was literally told by one place,
“I’m sorry, we can’t help you, good luck”, click

I said he shouldn’t have to lose his daughter because people don’t want to help
I’m sure he’s not the only one who has had that problem.
I interact with people through WAR from time to time
I keep track with whatever they post online.

I live in Illinois
I’m sorry but it’s something, something needs to change about it
I can say that my cousins my age,
I am 35, they range from about 30 to 45
I can’t say , well oh yes they had sex.
I had a couple of them look down on what my fiance has done.
I don’t talk to some of them.
I just don’t really talk about it to most of my family
I have a couple of family members that I have talked to about it
I don’t really go into a lot of details
I’m not going to lie about what he did
I can’t make them listen
But I am also, I’m very, very quiet about it
I like to stay under the radar
I haven't had too many problems but I kind of just duck under the radar

I don’t want to say shady background research, but if they were to just google my name or my address, it comes up with his.
I do not have an arrest record.
I have a thirteen year old daughter
I do not want to, not only lose custody of her, but
I don’t want them to say “you can’t be dating anyone who has children”
I know some states do that

I volunteer at a preschool that’s near my apartment
I don’t want to lose my job or my daughters to lose opportunities because of that
I am not gonna condone somebody touching young children
I know deeply his issues
I will admit
I had a lot of misconceptions about the sex offender registry and laws, and sex offenders
I really got in depth
I think the state creates problems

I am thirty-five, he’s twenty-five...if we want to have more children together we have to wait
I have a lot of medical problems
I almost died having my first daughter.
I don’t want to be there alone.